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Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:52 am

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Lordypordy is a graduate (VICTIM) of the Mega Virus Assassin Programme, M.V.A.P. There he was trained to be a living weapon (EXPERIMENTED ON) and hailed as the greatest of the program's warriors (REJECTED AS A FAILURE). Now, he's not only one of world's most dangerous men (THAT'S TRUE), but he's also one of the world's most intelligent (INSANE) and attractive bachelors (ACTUALLY HE'S HIDEOUS). So ladies--(IF YOU SAW HIS FACE YOU WOULD PROBABLY--) Hey--(--PUKE ALL OVER YOUR--)Dude. (WHAT?) What are you doing? (WHAT DO YOU MEAN?) I'm trying to give a bio here. (WELL THEN GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT.) It's OUR bio, bro! (...OH...) Anyway. I'm a hero (A MANIAC) and I'm out to make (A PILE OF CORPSES) the world safe. Dude! (WHAT?!) Nothing. Shut up. (YOU SHUT UP.)

So there I was at this fancy restaurant, having a nice meal with my beautiful date (BLOW UP DOLL). I start to make conversation with my date, when I notice that everybody at the restaurant are staring at me.
"I'm really sorry Trisha, I hope everything is going okay for you, is it?"
I wait for a reply but I just end up blankly looking at my date, waiting for her to respond.
"Well hows the meal?"
Again I wait for a reply, but no answer.
"Erm I was thinking of taking our relationship to the next level, erm what do you think about it?"
Again no answer, I get frustrated and I slam my fist on the table.
"God Dammit woman! make conversation jheeze it's like talking to a brick wall...well...you are a blow up doll... but that's no excuse!"

Five men nicely dressed in black suits enter the restaurant, they scan the room with their eyes like an eagle searching for prey.
One of the men points at me and shouts "Hey you the one with the ugly face!"
My attention suddenly turns to the five men, I act insulted sighing whilst backing my hand into my chest, replying in a offended tone "Heeeey my face ain't ugly...it's just horribly disfigured"
One of the men orders the others to shoot to me, whilst I stand there all heroic like (SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL). As the five men take out their pistols and start shooting, the crowd starts panicking and before they knew it they were running all over the place like scattered ants desperately looking for an exit. One of the citizens gets shot in the crossfire, making blood splatter all over my fine yellow suit, "ahhh, now see what you did. You got RED blood all over my YELLOW suit, now those two colours just do not go together" I pick up my date's (BLOW-UP DOLL'S) handbag whilst desperately avoiding bullets that seem to be missing me by a fair couple of inches "Now. excuse me while I go and powder my nose and what not" I giggle as I dart off to the ladies restroom.

"Stop Shooting" shouts one of the men. "What the hell is he doing, doesn't he realise that he's getting shot at?". They hear sounds coming from the ladies restroom, groans, moans, sighs and all sorts of creepy noises.
BAM! the door viciously opens revealing 'ME' standing at the door way in a ladies posture, wearing a long blonde wig, scarlet lipstick and a long yellow dress with high heels. I then pull my arms out from behind my back revealing two samurai swords, one in each hand. Facing the five dazzled, freaked out men; I treat em to a little smirk "Come and get me boys..." Which I said in a sexy raspberry woman's voice if I might add, just make sure you keep ya hands to yourself, you male readers. WINK WINK.

They begin to open fire again, with everything they have; I leap in slicing the bullets in half whilst deflecting them back hitting two of the men, critically wounding them. The three remaining men that are unharmed are slowly backing away, I let out a psychotic laughter, yelling "wow you guys are really bad shots aren't ya?" I forward roll between two of the men, who stop to reload, As I'm crouching between them, I powerfully stab the guy to my right, whilst twisting it; I then slice the knee's of the guy to my left. I continue crouching for a moment while both their bodies slide off the edge of my swords and drop to the floor simultaneously. I then raise myself from the ground sheathing my swords away. 'BANG!' I heard a sound of a bullet from behind me; impacting me right in the lower of my spine, "AAAHHHHHH!" I yelp in pain aggressively (MORE LIKE SCREAM IN PAIN LIKE A BIG PANSY) The bullet withdraws from my back, falling to the ground; I turn to face the ass hole who shot me. The guy is shitting himself; tears rolling down his face, bottom lip shaking, stuttering "Wha-wha-wha-what ar-r-e y-oouu?"
I chuckle whilst I answer his question "haha! Oh I must of forgot to say that I have accelerating healing powers earlier...oops my bad. Well anyway the names Lordypordy" The man trembles in fear and drops his gun, "Have..mercy?" he begs pitifully.
Pulling out the ex wife (PULLING OUT A DESSERT EAGLE) and aiming it at his forward, as I ready to pull the trigger; I give him one of those cool action lines like they do in films whilst doing perfecting (FAILING)at a Clint Eastwood impression "Sorry...all out of mercy" then lights out I shoot him right in the forehead.

"Hmmm, Brains! Now where was I? oh yes, you two...I almost forgot about you bleeding to death there" as both of the remaining men are slouched up against the wall on the floor probably dying, I make no hesitation to interrogate them. "Now guy number one your gonna tell me who sent ya?" The severely wounded man shakes his head.
"Nooo? oh you disappoint me guy number one, what about you guy number two?" the second guy who is helpless bleeding beside his pal turns to me, revealing the missing part of his jaw that I must of blown off. "Oh dear.. I guess who can't talk then. Oh well! I guess it's up to guy number one...wait...I think I'm gonna give you names. Guy number one and guy number two are kinda boring don't you think? erm how about guy number one you can be Daisy! and guy number two; you can be Tinker bell! so okay Daisy tell us who hired you to kill me"

Daisy spat in my face "go #@!& yourself!".
"Hmm I guess you're not taking me seriously. Is it the dress? the wig? ah don't tell me, the lipstick's a little too much?"
Daisy then decides to spit on me some more, talk about rude. "you're dangerous, a psychopath; a freak who needs to be put down... permanently!"
I rub my hand through his hair, looking deep into his eyes "Yeah you got a point.. but if you don't tell me who sent you I'm going to kill your bleeding buddy over here"
"I said go fu--"
I shoot his buddy Tinker Bell in the upper shoulder "aww look what I did" Tinker bell yelps in pain so I shoot him again but in the stomach "awww look what I did again.. now if you don't te--" I was interrupted by Tinker Bells groans.He was starting to annoy me with his infernal non dying so I stood up over his body and laid the rest of my bullets into him - reloaded; then gave him another layer of bullets.
"Oh Nooo what have I continued to dooo?!" Daisy is now scarred shit less, an awful stench had arisen. "Now you know that I'm not playing around...hmm perhaps if I shoot you in the eye just to make sure?"
"NO NO! I'll tell you who hired me" a fast reply from Daisy, nice! and so eager as well; who would of thought.
"Who's a good boy" patting him on the head like a dog "Now...tell me...everything".

...Twenty minutes past and Daisy had told me everything he knew, after that I finished him off with a bullet in the crotch "There's nothing more satisfying than killing bad guys dressed as a woman" That reminds me, I better get changed back into my suit; this ain't even my dress! I just hope those goons haven't stained it too much with the blood and guts and all that. The sirens! dam I forgot about the police...wait...they're abit late aren't they? well anyway me stuck in a restaurant filled with corpses when sirens are on the way is never a good sign. Before I leave the place I plant bombs in the corpses so when the police search the bodies it'll literally blow them away. Now here I go to find this moron who wants me dead and maybe spank (KILL) some more of those random hit men on the way.

Dressed to my yellow and black leather costume and walking out with a big smirk;, feeling the cold breeze on my face before I put on my yellow teddy bear helmet because it goes with the costume (IT HIDES HIS HIDEOUS FACE) "Five down... a hell of a lot to go" (DUDE THAT WAS LAME.) "you're lame!" (WHY YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF?) "Shut up!"


To be Continued...



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