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Thu Sep 22, 2011 10:16 am

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Megan had just seen The Boondock Saints and was telling me about it.

Megan: Oh god. I'm telling you now. No fighting over Connor. Hes fucking mine. You and my sister can fight over Murphy. Hes pretty damn hot too, BUT STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM CONNOR.

Ash: Okay! Calm the fuck down! Jesus! Someone call the crazy fangirl police!

Megan: I will fuck you up. I'm like Enrique with Antonio Bandares.

Ash: True. I'm glad I'm not like that.

Megan: You will be after you see these guys.

Ash: I bet...okay. I gotta confess. I'm a little like that over little Russian contortionist boys.

Megan: A little?

Ash: Yes! Only a little though...

Megan: You're a fuckin' liar.

Ash: How so?!

Megan: You're more than "a little" fuckin' obsessed.

Ash: I refuse to believe that! I'm a little ...enthusiastic maybe...

Megan: You're such a fuckin' liar!

Ash: I am a fuckin' truther!

Megan: Fuck you!

Ash: Oh no, my friend, fuck you!

Megan: I'm gonna choke your fuckin' ass with a stupid fuckin' rope!

Ash: Bring it on! You come and get me bitch! I'll fuck you up!

Continued in 'Cowboys and Indians

Megan: You're fuckin' lucky my ass got burnt today, or I would fuckin' choke your fuckin' ass with a stupid fuckin' rope!

Ash: Well that fuckin' Indian blood didn't do shit for you did it, mother fucker!?

Megan: Its your goddamned fuckin' rapist ancestors who fuckin' did this to me.

Ash: Yeah you all took it like the little bitches you are! I'm sorry what are you doing with your "precious lands"? Whoring it out? That's what I thought.

Megan: Shut the fuck up you fuckin' white ass rapist.

Ash: You shut the fuck up! You fuckin' brown ass whore!!!

Megan: That's fuckin' stupid. Completely retarded.

Ash: Well if you weren't so fuckin' Indian...

Megan: Well if you weren't so fuckin' white...

Ash: I don't deny that...

Megan: And I don't deny it either...

Ash: Well now that we have reached an understanding...

Megan: Hahahahaha. You're such a fuckin' retard! Hahahahaha!

Ash: Wait...what?

Megan: Oh God. I cant fuckin' breathe! Hahahaha.

Ash: I'm so lost...

Megan: Oh God. That's amazing. Oh Holy shit.

Ash: Waaaaah! No fair! I'm lost!

Megan was watching the movie Precious.

Ash: Does it have a happy ending?

Megan: Yes. Well...kinda. She gets AIDS from her dad.

Ash: Well...sounds like good ol' family fun.

Megan: Okay. You're sick.

Ash: What?! I was just kidding...

Megan: You're sick. You just nasty.

Ash: Lies! I am of perfectly sound mind.

Megan: How did you just keep a straight face typing that?

Ash: Oh c'mon! Give me one example of this alleged "insanity", which I refuse to acknowledge.

Megan: You want me to pick just one?

Ash: Well if you have more, I guess...

Megan: Family fun? Nigga in the tub? Your obsession with knives. Your obsession with chickens. You're racist as hell.

Ash: I am not racist.

Megan: Nigga in the tub. Racist chainsaw. OMG HES BLACK?!

Ash: Okay. O-KAY!

Megan: Well. You asked.

Ash: I did... I'm still not racist.

I had just explained to Colin what the new show 'The Colony' is about.

Colin: Oh that sounds like epic sauce

Ash: Hell yeah. I'm bathing in epic sauce.

Colin: Like a epic sauce orgasm?

Ash: Yes.

Colin: Epic.

Megan and I were just talking about random things and the subject of 'sick people' came about.

Ash: Did you know that during the filming of "Wolf Creek" the screaming of an actress being 'killed/raped' made several members of the crew cry because it was so realistic?

Megan: Is it a true story?

Ash: Um...I can't remember. Maybe.

Megan: Jeez! There are sick people out there!

Ash: Yeah like Albert Fish.

Megan: Who?

Ash: The Vampire of Brooklyn?

Megan: Oh right!

Ash: Yeah. There ARE some sick people out there.

Megan: Ugh. Just creepy.

Ash: Yeppers! That's humanity for ya!

Megan: Yup. We're all sick people, some more than others.

Ash: You speak the truth.

Megan: Exactly. The ones I'm thinking of are those Wiggles fagots.

Ash: Haha. Yeah there's definitely something wrong with them. "Let's call ourselves The Wiggles!" No.

Megan: I seriously wanted to be at that meeting. "Okay. So we're gonna do a creepy kids show, with one guy who has 5 o'clock shadow singing. A Valium addicted purple one, a glutton blue one, a gay butt pirate who has a "tickle sword" which is a giant feather, a lesbian dinosaur who like to "eat flowers" and you wanna call them the Wiggles?"

Ash: "Yes! Good idea, Johnson!"

Megan: "Can we make them all British?"

Ash: "Fantastic job!"*

Megan: "Thank you chief."

Ash: "Anything else? Is the show fucked up enough? We have a fag, an addict and well...need I say more? Anyone else?"

Megan: "How bout a normal red one? Oh and lets add a pimp octopus with whore fish! eight hands to smack them with!"

Ash: "Yes! The red one will throw them off! And the pimp and whore!This is a kids show!...Its wrong to NOT have them! Look at Sesame Street! They have a pimp and a bum and they're still fucking popular!"

Megan: "Brilliant. We shall call him Henry. And we'll dress him up in those old timey pimp outfits."

Ash: "Perfect! So we have a creep, an addict, a glutton, a normal, a fag, a lesbian, a whore and a pimp! A pimp named Henry at that! What about that dog thing? What are we gonna do about that?"

Megan: "Hmm. A dog. We'll make him HUGE so kids will go up to regular huge dogs and get their fingers bit off. Plus, for fun we'll make him stand up on two legs and make him do gymnastics."

Ash: "Yes! Injured children! Johnson you're about to make me cream my pants with these ideas!"

*Added so it would make more sense.

I love Colin. That is all you need to know.

Colin: amg u will never guess what happened today

Ash: omg! What?!

Colin: i just dies amg

Ash: awwwwww...

Colin: yes i died and when i got home there was a party without me and i felt sad

Ash: was it an awesome party?

Colin: and i cried

Ash: awwwww...

Colin: yes there was beer hookers firemen nurses flying stick figures naked anime people dead tissue paper bongs chickens goats and a hamster dancing the robot

Ash: thats my dream!

Colin: i know right best party eva

Ash: too bad you werent apart of it!

Colin: i know and i cried for 5 days straight

Ash: and this happened today?

Colin: yes today

Ash: so your crying ripped a hole in the time space continuum?

Colin: yes and dinosaurs came out and ate everybody

Ash: oh wow. So you cryed for five days in the past?

Colin: yep and u watched every second of it in your frontal lobe

Ash: oh wow! So thats why my brain was leaking!

Colin: yea and your spinal fluid ate your liver as he watched tv on the the floor of the white house and killed kesha with his bladder and gall bladder (the twins)

Ash: I was wondering why kesha was in my bathroom without a bottle of jack

Colin: i told u its all the truth no lying coming from me i promise to the giant spaghetti monsters

Ash: well you couldnt lie to them!

Colin: lol

Ash: indeed

Colin: amg u will never guess what happened today

Ash: omg! What?!

Colin: oh nothing much

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